When the time is right and a woman is ready to have a child, her rational brain must get veiled by a colorful illusion of how wonderfully easy and manageable having a child is. The same must happen to her man as well, I think, otherwise we would never do it willingly.
My daughter’s birth was the best thing that had ever happened to me, supported by the fact I’m even writing a blog post about it, but there were many things I didn’t expect.
Let’s start with basics.
1. I didn’t expect that the food I eat will affect my baby while nursing.
Potatoes, cauliflower, broccoli, peppers, oranges, chocolate, dairy… While I was exclusively breastfeeding, so many things I ate gave my poor baby terrible gas. For us adults gas is easy to pass but for newborn’s sensitive digestive track it must be really painful. I was lost on what to eat and what not to eat.
2. I didn’t expect to be studying her diapers as close and as often as I am.
These diapers became the hard evidence of how much she eats, drinks, any problems or issues. Green, brown, yellow is all good. Be careful of black, red (not when you feed your baby beets), or whitish yellow. If it looks unusual, I hold my breath and study it closely. I call it forensic babylogy. If I see undigested pieces of food, I don’t give her that item anymore, at least not for a while.
3. I didn’t expect I can get exhausted just from listening to her cry.
I think this is the most underestimated fact for all caregivers and especially mothers. Your child’s pain becomes yours no matter how hard you try to separate yourself. If for no other reason, the pure volume and persistence of baby’s cry can shatter your nerves. After all, it is designed to get attention and care. Meditation always helps to renew my energy, though.
4. I didn’t expect that it will be so hard for me to leave her in someone else’s care.
While I was pregnant, I thought Tim (my husband) and I will go on a vacation few months after the birth, leaving our baby at grandma’s for like 4 or 5 days. Hahaha, I had no idea. Some moms can do that, I can’t. This baby is mine and is going everywhere with me! I have yet to leave her with someone over night.
5. I didn’t expect the enormous love to be pouring out of my heart every time I look at her.
This is the most amazing part of parenthood. You have this beautiful, innocent, trusting baby to take care of. He or She is your most precious gem, clean, new and angelically beautiful. Every day I hope and pray to do my best for my baby Arianna.
6. I didn’t expect her to make me laugh out loud as often as she does.
At the beginning she didn’t understand me laughing so she would start crying and I would have to hold it in which made it that much more hilarious. Fortunately, now she understands it and we can laugh together. It’s also very easy and fun to entertain her.
7. I didn’t expect to quit my job, not get another one and feel so guilty for not having a job.
Uff, complex issue. All I’m going to say is that motherhood is socially and economically underestimated issue and unfortunately there is no place for it in our capitalist society. I want to say, to all the moms, this is not how it has to be and maybe we can create better environment for our daughters and sons.
8. I didn’t expect sleep training would be even an issue.
When you look for baby care books, more than half are about sleep training.
Arianna is 15 months old and she is still waking up at night. I nurse her and she goes back to sleep. I’ve read many books, listened to many advices, was trying to stop this long time ago but with no luck. We tried crying to sleep but after 45 minutes of hard loud cry and no sign of stopping, we quit. I decided to forget about good night rest, that is until now (read point 9). Her maximum sleep stretch right now is 4 hours.
9. I didn’t expect I will have to learn to say NO.
10. I didn’t expect that my spiritual understanding will deepen.
In my daughter’s eyes I see the soul that has been before, that has her own personality and her own purpose. I have deep respect for her spirit and for that reason the spirit of every single human being. We are all born from love because love is the highest creative power in the universe.
As the mother of 4 grown children and 2 beautiful grandchildren, I can tell you that the list goes on and on. Each month, each year, each decade brings more and more surprises…things I never expected…all of them good. They never stop being your babies, and you have to let them fly, but I never thought I would still spend so much time worrying about them. Motherhood has been labeled the most difficult job in the world and the most rewarding job in the world, and I wholly agree with both labels.
Hi Lyn :), right worrying is a big part, it’s almost constant. But as you said, there are a lot of pleasant surprises to look forward to and I can’t wait.
I have been through all of that as a single mother. Working full time and raising two sons was the biggest challenge of my life. Now they are grown and yes, I do worry about them, but not so much anymore. I trust that they have all the tools necessary to care for themselves. What never ends is the unconditional love. It is eternal and all encompassing. And the pain. If they are suffering, I suffer. I guess it’s just all part of being a mother and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Beautifully said Laura. Thank you for your comment. And my respect to you.
Love this post. #4 is something I didn’t anticipate but I seriously don’t feel comfortable being away from my little guy for more then an hour. Blessed I get to work from home <3
You are truly blessed Mallory. I can’t work with my baby around because she goes crazy for all the computers and phones. She will cry for hours if I don’t let her touch it. I have to go to the bathroom to send few emails.